thinking aloud...

Let me try to write a couple more meaningful posts next time. :) Keeping up with this would be quite challenging but I guess a couple of sentences for now wouldn’t hurt. Might probably be a good start too. Come with me as I sail along, yes? :D

I’ve never been much of a writer. The writer who gets to write about stuff that may be of use to others, of significance to their craft, of inspiration. Even the geeks manage to keep a blog of their scientific musings and escapades. Detailed ones if I may say so. I never had any of those. I could try writing about inductive coupling or channel coding or any other stuff I tried earnestly to understand but I’m afraid I may not even get past the first paragraph. I know something about those but I’m pretty much aware that I don’t know THAT much. So I never tried. While the best ones keep on going with the intelligent wordplay, I find myself writing about the best thing I could write about: the troubled, sometimes unusually happy thoughts that my brain keeps on coming up with. I don’t intend to share with the whole world of what I ponder on but by writing things like this, I end up doing so. I do this ‘cause I feel this is the safest place I could be to bare my thoughts and keep on wondering about stuff without the fear of being interjected with unsolicited advices and interruptions. Where the flow need not be paused nor stopped. Where an intent listener appears to be right infront of me even if there isn’t. 

I haven’t picked up the habit of writing, in here, at the very least. But I’ve always felt the urgency to write. The necessity of which befalls on me whenever emotions are at their extreme. Yet somehow, I couldn’t manage to write about annoyance or hatred or irritability. I’ve started a lot of those yet I never saw a fitting end to each of them. If not marked as drafts, they’d be forever deleted and only hazy memories of them will remain. The best things I could write diligently about, apparently are those of extreme happiness, of bliss, of love and admiration. Much has happened for the past few months, all of which deserve an entry of their own. But with the weariness a day’s work endows on me, none of them have been written. Those I wanted to write about ‘cause they happen to be the most vivid memories this busted brain of mine is able to keep.

Perhaps one of the most difficult things about having to write is coming up with that first line. Once you do, we set sail on peaceful waters. The second most difficult thing would probably be that line that’ll put an end to the whole thing. And right now, I couldn’t thing of anything else. Kaya ganito na lang, bigla na lang mawawala..

‘Cause I’ll keep on waiting ‘til we both realize what we should do. Until you finally see that none of this is wrong and that I might just be the right one for you. :) F na F amp. Looking forward to the next few days I’ll be spending with you. <3

I wish I could get myself to say how much I like you.

The past year bore witness to a lot of things worthy of being remembered and perhaps of being written so with the turn of the year, I decided to keep up with my writing habits despite the dreaded workload left for the next three months in school. I’ve started out a lot of entries during the last quarter and much as I hate to admit it, none of them ever saw a fitting end. Hopefully, with this one, things would turn out differently.

Over a day ago, I’ve felt the urgency to write and without my PC in place, I resorted to capturing every thought in pen and paper until I realized it wasn’t the way to start the year right. Yes, haha, too much drama and I think I’ve had enough of that already. So it’s another year and I really feel that the clock’s ticking away. I only got a eight full years left to accomplish my ten-year plan but as they say, one day at a time baby, one day at a time. I guess there’s quite a list of things I can look forward to for the remaining days of the year but there’s a couple I’m getting really excited and giddy about.

Of Graduation

I’m counting down to the last three months left in school. Haha, at last, I’ll be getting that degree I’ve worked awfully hard for! No more hardcore academic stuff to deal with and less sleepless nights. Haha. The only thing to do is to keep up with the work schedule and the heapload of papers that needs to be accomplished and I’m done! I hope this game face I’m putting up and the prayers would back me up in this. But I do fear missing the people I’ve been with for the last couple of years. Well the one I’ve been with for the first three years already bid her goodbyes but those who followed (uhh no, I’m not referring to anything romantic) make it awfully hard to leave for countless reasons. :)

Of Taking the Boards

After leaving school, I’d be tasked to get that license I’ve been promising my parents for the longest time. Haha. It’d be great to fulfill dad’s dream of having another engineer in the family after my brothers opted to pursue different career paths. I can feel a lot of pressure though especially now that my brother’s challenging me to get a post in the Top Ten. If I were to consider the current state of the exams being delivered by the PRC, I’d have to say it’s quite a difficult feat. I’ve been loathing memorizations for the longest time and taking that exam would entail breezing through a lot of worthless information. But a man’s gotta do what a man’s got to do, right? As Dean Gev puts it, they’ve trained us to overcome obstacles and if the obstacle we’re confronted with is to pass the board exam, then we’ve got no choice but to memorize. Haha, I’m still waiting for that memory enhancement package my mom promised me though, if it helps. :)) But on a serious note, yeah, I’m up to the challenge. I didn’t work my ass off in college just to see myself fail at it. :P

Of Getting on With the Band

One of the things I’d miss when I get out of school would be those jamming sessions my friends and I have had. It’ll be a bit hard to find a schedule that fits but I’m not keen on leaving the band anytime soon. What’s the use of working so hard when that studio or that dream of blasting full band won’t be realized? 

Of the Prospect of A New Love

Now this one’s got to be long. Haha. Come to think of it, most of the posts I’ve diligently written were more or less unspoken confessions of admiration - things that I’d rather keep to myself considering the circumstances I’m in. I know that I always play on the safe side but that does not mean I do not have the guts to take the risk. God knows I have when I committed myself in that three-year relationship gone through heaven and hell or when I loved someone that was someone else’s dream. I chose to walk by the pavement and not on the streets not because I fear of getting through the whole breaking up thing (which I have to admit feels like an iterative slap in the face back when I was so regretful of it) all over again. I ain’t that weak. I’ve gone through sore episodes twice in my lifetime and hey, I came back strong didn’t I? I guess it’s a matter of knowing when to take that risk and neglect all possible consequences that may come with it.

I guess it’s high time that I find someone who’d make me live one of the happiest days in my life. Come on, I’ve been waiting for it for the past two years and me getting stuck at EEE during the whole time made it impossible for me to meet someone new! >:)) But kidding aside, it is one of the things I’m always looking forward to. I do miss waking up in the morning with thoughts filled with the one I can’t go on a day without and tucking someone into bed at night. Someone who’d miss my voice and remind me how amazing each day was whenever we’re together. Someone who’d look me in the eye, smile upon catching that gaze, smile back and mouth the words ‘I love you’ in a crowded place. Haha. Yeah, I get to be overly romantic sometimes. But hey, who wouldn’t be, right? I guess we all have a bit of Romeo and Juliet somewhere. :)

Each year presents itself as a promise of endings, beginnings and learnings. That I think is a reason simple enough for one to look forward to things that may come. As for me, it’ll be another 365 days of fun, hard work, laughter and friendship. (And hopefully a couple of written accounts I could go back to anytime.) So cheers! :)

Things that need to be done are starting to pile up by the minute. I felt I was being the most efficient earlier this week but I ended up slacking right in the middle of it. For the past two nights I’ve caught myself in a trance a couple of times, pondering endlessly about the thesis abstract I had to submit. Not quite convinced by the project we have been assigned to but what the hell. If a professor with a doctorate degree, who has lectured at UC Berkeley, an appointee to the dean’s post, a consultant to a large telecom company, says it’s a project worth undertaking, then who am I to complain. :) Haha.